Eagles Hotel California

I don’t want to think too hard about what i’m writing. I don’t want to have multiple edits, I don’t want eyes on it before publishing, and I certainly don’t want to use AI for any point of this process.

My strengths (in my opinion) reach their fullest potential when my creativity is not stifled by expectations, or an expected method to the madness. I thrive on spontaneity with what I am going to share and how I am going to share it.

Telling people about my plans prematurely has always had poor outcomes. Recently, I’ve also been experiencing poor outcomes when I share my thoughts and feelings with others. Crazy how that works…

In these experiences though, it is not lost on me what sharing things out loud can do for me. I want to do more of that in the future but in different ways!

Ruminating has been a word for this season, not in a bad way or identifiably good way…cycles of life.

I live at such an interesting intersection of culture, religion, politics, environment, and everything that humans do. At least I think so…lol. California, and the bay area specifically, has always been a unique place to be. I always feel a stark divide between those who live in harmony with the land and those who only see the gold (shiii historical reference playing out in the current era; something something history and repetition?)

I like this song. It’s real and the lyrics paired with the melody whisk you away to the Hotel California…

There are temptations everywhere, but there are also really bad things happening under our noses. I am sheltered, really. I have a roof over my head and somewhere to sleep at night, my fridge is full of fresh food and I don’t have to question if I will be able to receive medical care (if needed). I know all of that could change at any moment but that is not the point I am trying to make.

I don’t want to constantly rely on the possibility of editing my speech, or apologizing later for what I said earlier. You know? In our social media heavy, text heavy, online communication heavy world I find myself enjoying my thoughts more for what they are than what they could be someday.

There’s a mosquito nibbling at my ankles as I write this, and I was bitten like crazy by mosquitos in the room pictured above.

My life has always carried a suspiciously cosmic amount of parallels and synchronicities. I don’t know how else to explain it other than that. Even though I am full of trust in the universe and people around me, I lack faith in positive outcomes.

It often keeps me up at night.

I don’t want to be another name lost to the abyss, another mind full of wasted potential (shocker! drama and me? who would’ve thought?!)

I like to think that i’ve spent a lot of my life floating through it. Being able to flow with the breeze and be led where life takes you makes you an agreeable child, but at some point you start to question where the breeze came from. And is this breeze for me?

In 2024 I decided that I needed anchors. That floating by was fun and served its purpose, but now I want roots that keep me steady when the breezes compound into winds with warnings. To anchor down anywhere is a blessing, but to anchor down somewhere you’ve always wanted to live feels otherworldly.

In a way this is a love letter to San Francisco. I’ve learned in ways I could not have seen coming and I have grown in ways I always hoped would happen. I am still only just rooting into the communities in this city, and I still have so many pockets to explore.

Once again, off the dome…so I’m not sure what the substance to this piece is supposed to be.

Close enough, welcome back 2010 era blogging. We need more of this.

In the next six months I hope to change my life dramatically. Maybe no one will notice it, or maybe someone will. Regardless, I am sure it will happen.

It often keeps me up at night.

The shame and weights on my shoulders were things I confused as anchors, as things to keep me from floating too high into the sky. I learned quickly that the illusion of security it provides feels more like a straitjacket than a steady piece of metal lodged in the rugged surface of our planet.

I am at the precipice of something big. Not in the sense of production but of my quality of life. I am taking strides towards true security and stability. Roots that permeate all fibers of my existence (drama) and a reliance on self that does not falter when the winds pick up and the waves get choppy.

I hope I get to go to the water again soon.

Would it really be so bad if I spent a few years in the marina? Possibly, so I look towards ocean beach as well (don’t worry) :)

Off the Dome

Hello!